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CHRISTMAS NATIVITY -
ALTERNATIVE
CHRISTMAS NATIVITY PLAY - CLEAN VERSION
Headline:
Alexander will learn within days
if she faces police inquiry over illegal donation
WENDY Alexander will find out within days whether she will face
a police investigation into the illegal donation to her campaign
fund, it emerged last night.
It is
understood the Electoral Commission will make a decision soon. A
spokeswoman said officials were "seeking clarification" from Ms
Alexander's team about donations. When that process is
completed, the commission will then decide on how to proceed.
The Scotsman: Thursday, 6th December 2007
Script:
Wendy in Neverland
By Doug Brown
Eternal Boy: I dream of a land
where children never grow up but instead become politicians;
Where there are no schools, at least no primary schools with
nursery classes of larger than 18; A land where no one gets
sick, and if they do they do, their medicines are paid for; Of a
land where no one commits a crime because of heartfelt sympathy
towards an ageing police force, armed only with truncheons,
Kevlar vests and zimmers with blue lights.
Wendy: It sound like a really
nice place.
Eternal Boy: This is a place
where nurses and policemen get their pay deals sorted; A place
where there is nothing to fear except the ticking of a clock.
Wendy: Is that what Neverland is
like Peter?
Eternal Boy: No not Neverland,
Wendy, and I am Alex! Not Peter? Surely as the leader of the
opposition you must recognise your First Minister?
Wendy: Soooh! If it’s not
Neverland (pause) you must be thinking about (pause) Scotland?
Alex: Aye Wendy! An’ the clock is
ticking!
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Headline:
£1bn
golfing resort is still 'alive' after ministers call in Trump plan
SCOTTISH ministers last night took the unprecedented step of calling in
Donald Trump's planning application for a £1 billion golf resort,
without an appeal having been made. In a decision described by one
planning expert as "very odd", the controversial scheme will now be
examined by the Scottish Government, despite last week being rejected by
Aberdeenshire councillors.
Ministers could overturn the local authority's decision, uphold it, or
appoint a reporter and hold a public inquiry into the Trump
Organization's proposals. The move will raise questions about whether
the integrity of the democratic planning process has been compromised.
www.scotsman.com
Date: 6 December 2007
Script:
Play yer Cerds
Right
by Doug Brown
MALCY Wullie. Whits ra difference tween a democracy oan a dictatorship?
WULLIE Dictatorships dinny listen tae us yins, cause wes jist gets telt,
anat.
MALCY Aye an wi democraphies we gets tae elect cooncillors an yon
Members o’ ra Scottish Parliament..
WULLIE Aye, like playing cerds an golf!
MALCY How d’ya work rat oot, Wullie?
WULLIE When yer playing golf yer want tae win! Right!
MALCY Aye but Ah don’t see whit golf an cerds uv tae dae wi it?
WULLIE Well, first ye elect a Scottish First Minister an ren alang comes
ra Yanks to build a multimillion dollar golf club in Aberdeen and mess
up awe yon conservency your vocational stuff.
MALCY An yer point is?
WULLIE So ra locals don’t want it dae rae? So rae democraphically say,
“Ye’r not oan! Away’n bugger up yer oan backyerd! If yeas’ve oany left
tae bugger up?”
MALCY Aye an yer Plannin department run by yer elected cooncilors turn
it doon cause o’ ra public ootcry.
WULLIE Aye, rats when the Scottish Government steps in tae play cerds ,
Malcy.
MALCY Cerds?
WULLIE Ave yer no heard. Them duly elected Scot Nats are set tae reverse
the Planner’s decision an could let it go aheed. Yon Swinny block jist
played is TRUMP cerd.
TOGETHER Bluddy Dictatorship!
Headline: UK
teacher jailed over teddy row
A British teacher has been found guilty in Sudan of insulting religion
after she allowed her primary school class to name a teddy bear
Muhammad.
Gillian Gibbons, 54, from Liverpool, has been sentenced to 15 days in
prison and will then be deported.
She escaped conviction for inciting hatred and showing contempt for
religious beliefs, and will now appeal.
Foreign Secretary David Miliband has expressed "in the strongest terms"
the UK's concern at her detention.
Source: BBC.co.uk
Date: 30 November 2007
Script:
Helen: Where you been Betty - I haven't
seen you for weeks.
Betty: I've been in the jail, so I have.
Helen: Jail?
Betty: Yeah - four weeks in the bloody
jail.
Helen: Your kidding!
Betty: No - some people got annoyed at
the name I gave my baby.
Helen: Away! Did you call him Muhammad
and get those Mosklims annoyed.
Betty: No - I know better than to call
him Muhammad.
Helen: Well did you call him Jesus and
get the Pope all upset?
Betty: Don't be stupid!
Helen: Was it Abraham? Did you go
and upset all your Jewish friends.
Betty: No! I wouldn't do that.
Helen: Well what did you call the
wee soul then?
Betty: Inra . . . Inra-Cludgie
Helen: Inra! - Who did that offend
- Church of Scotland? Hindus? Buddhists? Sikhs? Chinese Universists?
Scientologists?
Betty: No! I didn't offend any
religious groups.
Helen: So why did you get bunged up
in prison for calling the baby Inra?
Betty: Cos it's such a shite name.
Helen: True . . . good point.
Headline:
WASHINGTON -- U.S. policy on global warming seems headed for a tipping
point, with politicians,
business leaders and economists joining environmentalists to call for
new laws to limit greenhouse gases that spur climate change. President
George W. Bush's fleeting mention of the problem in his State of the
Union address last month was seen as significant, even as he stressed
alternative fuels and new technologies -- not legal limits on emissions
-- as solutions.
Source: /www.topix.net/city/washington-dc
Date: 20 February 2007
Script:
President George Bush
(talking to Senate): Y’now those folks said that they was concerned over
global warming. An you know I’m getting a touch concerned that I have
to be seen to make a move.
Senate member: Who
are “those folks” Mr President?
Bush: Y’no those
enono-mat-isists and them environ o mentalists callin’ for new laws to
reduce greenhouse missions an gen’rally reduce CO2 polution!
Senate: So - what do
you intend to do, Mr President?
Bush: Well I’m goin’
to start by making a big impact on the problem by levying a greenhouse
ermissions tax.
Senate: (very
seriously) But the US industry will be the hardest hit by increased fuel
taxation and the backlash from the private motorist levy could have
serious repercussions!!
Bush: How will the US
Industry and the private mot’rists be hit? We will target suburban
greenhouses and apply a farting tax to cattle ranches.
Senate: (heads in
hands) Sigh!
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Medusa
Island - a fantasy adventure novel for children -
The
Secret Diary of Adrian Cat
