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Humorous Scripts:

Cannabis - a UK growth industry

Author: Douglas Brown

Cannabis - a UK growth industry

The number of illegal cannabis farms found by police in the UK has trebled in the last two years, according to a drugs charity.  But how do the growers actually operate?

In ordinary suburban living rooms, behind closed doors, Britain's illicit multi-million pound drugs trade is thriving.  Just two years ago only 11% of the cannabis on UK streets was grown within its shores.  But now that figure stands at 60%, according to a report produced by the charity DrugScope.

http://news.bbc.co.uk    Tuesday, 13 March 2007, 12:24 GMT

 

 

Script 1: It’s a Jungle in There! (Scottish version)

 

Malcy:  Wully, Ave no seen you fur a while?

 

Wullie: Naw Malcy. (Dry response) Ah’ve been lost fur days in ra heat uv a jungle. So ah huve.

 

Malcy:  (excited) So yer were oan Sky TV, Wullie! Great!  Aw ron buxom lassies washin’ in the scuddy, but a hate aw rat poofy bondin’ an vomitin’ creepy crawly’s?

 

Wullie: Naw! Naw it wuzn’y like rat! Ah wuz lost in the hoose wie ma machete!

 

Malcy: Whit, in yer ain hoose Wullie?

 

Wullie:  Aye, in ma ain hoose, Malcy!

 

Malcy: (confused) But ah thought yer said it wuz a jungle.

 

Wullie: (mater of fact) Aye! So  ah did! But yous huvn’y seen ma lounge since ah sterted growin’ the cannabis!

 

 

 

Script 2: It’s a Jungle in There! (English version)

 

Stephen: Hi there, Martin! You’ve been scarce since the Vietnamese meeting.

 

Martin: Well Stephen, that is probably because I have been behaving as a bit of a plonker lost in the jungle.

 

Stephen: Top ho! Old boy.  I didn’t know you had a contract with Sky Television?  All that bonding with guys, watching the girls showering four times a day and eating the odd centipede!

 

Martin: Well, actually, believe it or not. I’ve not been on reality television. I have been in a bit of a predicament in my Lounge at home.

 

Stephen: (confused) But how can this be, Martin old boy?  You clearly intimated that you were a plonker lost in the jungle?

 

Martin: Essentially that is true!  But then you have never seen my deep jungle of recreational cannabis plants!

 
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