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Humorous Scripts: Popeye the sailor man

Author: Unknown

Announcer:

All hands on deck, here's Popeye.

Popeye:

(sings) I'm Popeye the Sailor Man
I'm Popeye the Sailor Man
I yam what I yam
Cause I yam what I yam
I'm Popeye the Sailor Man

Announcer:

Wheatena's his diet, He asks you to try it, with Popeye the Sailor Man!

Letters, letters, letters from boys and girls everywhere. You just ought to
see all of Popeye's morning mail. It seems all the boys want to be
football players and they are eating Popeye's favorite cereal because it
makes muscles.

And it looks like all the girls all want to grow up in a hurry and be young
ladies, so they eat Wheatena too. Because Wheatena's regular growing
food. And my, the roses it puts into their cheeks, yes sir. And mmm boy,
how good it tastes. Well any other boys and girls want muscles or want to go ...? Ok, tell mother you want the delicious Wheatena tomorrow.

(Music cue)

Midst peanuts and popcorn, we find Popeye, Wimpy, Olive, and Matey visiting at the zoo. All hands are having one grand and glorious time. They just walked up to the camels cage.

Popeye:

Well, blow me down, has yous ever seen the likes of such a pecooler animal.

Matey:

Gosh Popeye, those humps and his back looks just like you muscles.

Popeye:

Har har har. If I had muskles that big, I could never get me shirt on.

Olive:

I heard that a camel can go nine days without water.

Wimpy:

Tuht, Tuht, a trivial thing. Going nine days without a hamburgers, would be an accomplishment worthy of my admiration.

Popeye:

Wimpy, yous just plain ignorant. Dumb animals never eat fried hamburgers.

Wimpy:

Perhaps that's why they are called dumb animals.

Matey:

Popeye, do you think the camel would like some peanuts?

Popeye:

Now you has me stumped Matey. I knows squirrels and elephants eat peanuks, but I never seen a camel eat em.

Matey:

Well, I'll see if this one does.

Popeye:

I am proud of you Matey, on account you wants to share what you got wit utters.

Matey:

Here camel, would you like a peanut? (camel makes a grunt)

Wimpy:

In camel language, he means desist, stop, quit that.

Olive:

Be careful Matey, don't stick you hand in the cage.

Matey:

Ah, he wouldn't hurt me, but I guess Popeye is right. He don't like peanuts.

Wimpy:

What if I were in the cage and the good public came to feed me hamburgers.

Popeye:

Come on all hands, aft to the elephant cage so Matey can feed em the peanuks.

(music cue)

Matey:

Oh, wait a minute. Look at that funny animal. Do you hear what I hear.

Popeye:

Well I am a blarsted swab. If that funny lookin mutt in the cage ain't a larfing at us.

Wimpy:

He's a member of the Laughing Hyena species.

Olive:

You mean an animal that can really laugh?

Popeye:

Now I asks ya Olive, does that four legged hoop sounds like he was cryin'.

Olive:

Well for lands sake, what's he laughin' at?

Wimpy:

He has just seen Popeye's face.

Popeye:

I says pooie to ya Wimpy. You ain't never won no beauty contest.

Matey:

Popeye, does the hyena laughing mean a dog barking?

Popeye:

Well, it's about the same thing Matey, I figures.

Wimpy:

I think maybe you ought figure a way for elephants to eat peanuts.

Popeye:

Hurray, for oncek Wimpy is thinking about some one else's stomach.

Wimpy:

Twould appear I were a noble soul.

Popeye:

We sets a course strait for the elephasks cage.

(traveling music)

Matey:

Popeye, elephants are awful big. I wonder if one bag of peanuts will be enough.

Popeye:

Well Matey, we make sure. We stops at this stand and buys more peanuks.

Ahoy there, six bags of peanuks for Matey here.

Vendor:

Ok, here you are kid.

Matey:

Gosh, thanks Popeye.

Popeye:

Forget it Matey, what can I buy you Olive?

Vendor:

Ya boss, we gota sponga cakea, angela cakea, and a stomach acha.

Olive:

Oh, dear, I'll just take a glass of lemonade.

Vendor:

Ok lady, come right up. There you are kid.

Wimpy:

Oh boy, oh boy, that sizzling, that beautiful fragrance, that intoxicating aroma.

Popeye:

What are you talking about Wimpy?

Wimpy:

Look, midst lonely frankfurters lie lordly hamburgers.

Popeye:

So they is.

Wimpy:

Popeye, don't torcher me.

Popeye:

I don't understands ya, Wimpy.

Wimpy:

Popeye, you're a fiend. Peanuts for Matey, lemonade for Olive, but what, oh what for Wimpy.

Popeye:

Har, har, har, did you wants so peanuks?

Wimpy:

Peanuts, peanuts he offers me. Popeye, this kind gentleman also sells the hamburgers.

Popeye:

Oh, does ya want a hamburger, Wimpy?

Wimpy:

He toys with me. How can you be so cruel? I'm craving for those luscious hamburgers, has me faint.

Vendor:

You like for to have hamburger sport?

Wimpy:

So, this is a plot to rob me of my sanity.

Matey:

Popeye, I think Wimpy does want a hamburger.

Popeye:

Matey, I have me sukspsions that's what he was trying to tell us.

Wimpy:

I feel a beast in me rising.

Olive:

Oh, why don't you try a glass of this lemonade Wimpy, it's delicious.

Wimpy:

Demons all of you.

Popeye:

All right. Hey mister, see if Wimpy will eat a hamburger.

Vendor:

Ok boss, comina' right up.

Wimpy:

I'm trembling with anticipated agony.

Vendor:

Here you go, sport.

Wimpy:

A thousand thanks royal purveyor of heavenly delectables.

Oh glorious hamburger, only J. Wellington Wimpy can appreciate your scrumptious vitamins.

Matey:

Gee, Wimpy ate that hamburger fast.

Wimpy:

A pity that such hamburger were not twins, perchance even quintuplets.

Popeye:

Here's your money mister.

Vendor:

How do ya like that. Thanksa boss.

Popeye:

My friends, we set sail to the elephant cage. Weigh anchor all hands!

(Traveling music cue)

Olive:

Ooohhh look, there's the elephants. Gooodness gracious, aren't the enormous?

Matey:

Oh boy, I hope the haven't had their dinner yet.

Popeye:

I am flabbergasted. One of them monsters on me barge and she hit Davy Jones locker.

Wimpy:

A huge animal indeed.

Matey:

Hey Jumbo, come over here. Look what I got for ya'.

Olive:

Isn't he heavy?

Popeye:

I pity the poor swabs foot he steps on.

Matey:

Here's some peanuts for you Jumbo.

Popeye:

Blow me down, he sucks them up like a vacuum cleaner.

Olive:

Isn't it cute the way he curls up his trunk and blows them into his mouth.

Matey:

Here ya are Jumbo, I got some more for ya.

Wimpy:

Oh look, all the little children playing piggy back on yonder elephant.

Matey:

Where? Oh look Popeye, look at all the kids.

Popeye:

I am surprised, riding an elephant?

Matey:

Please Popeye, can I go for a ride?

Popeye:

Sure, Matey.

Olive:

Now Popeye, it's too dangerous for the child.

Matey:

Ah gee, all the other kids are doin' it.

Popeye:

Stow your fears Olive, if the utter young ones can ride it, so can Matey.

Matey:

Oh boy, thanks Popeye. (To Jumbo) Come on

Olive:

Then can't you bring the other elephants over here?

Wimpy:

Nay, Mohammad must go to the mountain.

Popeye:

Full speed ahead before it's too late. Come on.

(Traveling music cue)

Popeye:

Avast there captain, don't weigh anchor yet. Matey's commin aboard.

Man:

Sorry, just finished the last trip. Time for the other elephants to go in now.

Matey:

Ah shucks, I wanted a ride.

Popeye:

And you'll get your ride. I buys all your tickets mister.

Man:

Well, I guess once more round won't hurt.

Matey:

Boy oh Boy, give me a hand Popeye.

Popeye:

The elephank will lift you up Matey with his trunk.

Man:

Here Jumbo, put your trunk around the lad. Up you go!

Matey:

Gosh it's high up here.

Man:

Anybody else going?

Popeye:

Olive, I thinks you oughta board the craft with Matey.

Olive:

Me?

Wimpy:

The stead awaits Miss Oyl.

Olive:

Oh Popeye, is it safe?

Popeye:

Sure, just like riding in me barge.

Olive:

Will he squeeze me when he lifts me up?

Popeye:

Nah, come on, up you go.

Olive:

Pluease Mr. Elephant. Oh. Oh! OH! OH, Popeye, I'm scared.

Matey:

Don't worry, Olive, I'm here.

Man:

All set.

Popeye:

Aye Aye captain, you can shove off.

Olive:

Down there, what's that?

Wimpy:

Ah, a junior rodent, greetings Mickey.

Man:

Hey look out, it's a mouse.

Popeye:

A little mouskey can't hurt none.

Man:

But elephants are deathly afraid of mice.

Olive:

Oh, it's getting' rough.

Man:

I can't hold the elephant.

Popeye:

Give me that rope.

Wimpy:

Go away naughty mouse.

Matey:

Boy, this is like ridin' a bunkin' bronco.

Popeye:

Stand still you elephank.

Olive:

Popeye, hold him.

Man:

Lookout, the rope!

Popeye:

The blasted rope busted!

Olive:

Help, Help

Matey:

Ride em cowboy!

Man:

He's running wild!

Popeye:

The elephank can't run out of the cage. I catches him when he comes round.

Man:

You can't do that, you'll be killed.

Popeye:

I am gonna rescoo Matey and Olive.

Wimpy:

The calmly mammal is returning.

Popeye:

I stands right here and stops the elephank.

Man:

Man alive, how can you stop a wild elephant?

Popeye:

I grabs him by his nose.

Man:

Here he comes, get out of the way.

Popeye:

I am not a scared of no elephant.

Man:

Run, he'll trample you down.

Popeye:

I said I catches him by the nose!

Olive:

Help Popeye, you'll be killed.

Matey:

Yippee!
Popeye: I saves ya Olive.

Man:

I told you, you'd get hurt!

Popeye:

Now I am mad at that elephank, coz he knocks me down.

Olive:

Help, help!

Matey:

Yippee, Yippee!

Wimpy:

It seems the mammal has one the first round.

Popeye:

I catches the beast, but I need extra muskels. Wimpy, me favorite cereal.

Wimpy:

Why do you require this Popeye?

Popeye:

Because the elephank is the biggest monster in the world, I needs at least four bowls to stop him.

Wimpy:

Four bowls coming up.

Man:

Look, it's Wheatena's.

Wimpy:

Here's one, (Popeye eats), and another (Popeye eats), and a third (Popeye eats), and a fourth (Popeye eats).

Popeye:

Now look at me muskels. Now watch me catch that elephank and lay him among the sweatpeas.

Man:

He's coming faster this time, you'll be killed.

Popeye:

Come on elephank, I catch your trunk.

Olive:

Popeye, save me!

Matey:

Ride em cowboy!

Man:

Look out!

Popeye:

I stops him Olive. (says something but can't make it out)

Man:

Holy smokies, he stopped the elephant!

Wimpy:

Popeye, he resents your holding his nose.

Popeye:

Stand still you beast, or I stocks you one.

Olive:

Get me off, get me off.

Matey:

Alright Popeye

Popeye:

Stand still I says.

Man:

Watch out, he's going to lift you with his trunk. Let go!

Popeye:

Popeye never lets go!

Man:

Look out! I told you he raise you right up! Let go or he'll smash you against the bars of the cage.

Popeye:

It's too bad I hads to do it, but Mr. Elephant, you forces me to sock you.

Matey:

He's crumbling Popeye, give him another!

That did it. The elephants down. Hurray

Man:

Boy, what a sock.

Olive:

Oh Popeye, you're marvelous.

Popeye:

I am a sad swab, on account I hads to sock a poor dumb animule.

Man:

Oh don't worry about the elephant, he has a think skull. He'll get over it.

Popeye:

That's good. And becaust I did not mean to hurt him, I hope this elephant forgets.

Matey:

Say Popeye.

Popeye:

Yeah Matey.

Matey:

It was only a teeny weeny mouse that scared that big elephant, wasn't it.

Popeye:

Yeah Matey, which only goes to show, no matter how big anybody is, don't undereskimate the little fella.

Announce:

Now let's get this silly old business strait. As you know there a number of wheat cereals on the market, some hot some cold. Several of them have wheat sounding names, but they're not like Wheatena. There's only one Wheatena. W - H - E - A - T, wheat, E - N - A. Now don't forget those last three letters, E - N - A. Wheatena. So why is Wheatena hot? Well because hot cereals are better for you. Where does that delicious flavor come from? From toasting that unlocked wheat only as Wheatena does it. And when you want the hot brown wheat cereal that gives you that vital parts of the whole grain and tastes so G - O - O - D. MMM, mmm, you have to have Wheatena's.



 

Popeye:

(sings) I'm Popeye the Sailor Man
I'm Popeye the Sailor Man
I yam what I yam
Cause I yam what I yam
I'm Popeye the Sailor Man

 
 

 
 
 

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