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Humorous Scripts: No fee no win Author: Douglas Brown

NO FEE NO WIN

PRESENTER:                       Have you been involved in a personal accident within the last six weeks which was not totally utterly completely your own fault, and which may have caused you pain and suffering, rendered you hospitalised, or inconvenienced you in some exceedingly minor way?

Then, you may be due valuable compensation on a Ďno fee, no winí basis. Yes with our Ďno fee, no winí claims we . . . er . . . rather you can get loads of easy money for doing absolutely nothing.

Here is a testimonial from one of our recent very satisfied customers, Miss Fortune:

MISS FORTUNE:                  I was walking through the reception area of my work place, as I normally do every morning, when a pool of extremely slimy, soapy water was suddenly sloshed at my feet.  Anyway, I slipped and fell down hard on this mop bucket, which Iím sure wasnít there when I came in.

FX:                                                      PRESENTER COUGHS NERVOUSLY

MISS FORTUNE:                  Then when I tried to get up, how can I explain this, it was almost as if I was being smacked on the face.  Well, after that, what with my glasses being on the floor, everything became a bit of a blur. Then just as I managed to get onto my feet a shadow loomed over me and my spectacles shattered underfoot, although I donít recall them being under my foot.

                                                            (PAUSE)

MISS FORTUNE:                  I thought that my misfortune was over Ė but I was wrong.   As I pulled myself up I must have kicked over the mop bucket, because that was then it hit me - the mop handle, that is.  It seemed to take on a life of itís own repeatedly striking me, breaking my nose, cracking my ribs, splitting two of my perfectly manicured nails and completely destroying my Louis Vuitton handbag.

                                                            (PAUSE)

I donít know what I would have done had it not been for that nice man. You know, the one who does all those, Ďno fee no winí accident claims adverts.  Imagine him being there at that precise time to help.  Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather.  And believe it or not a feather came from nowhere and hit me on the face.

I got such a surprise I swung away fracturing my skull on what felt like a baseball bat.

I got such a surprise I swung away fracturing my skull on a wall.

I got such a surprise I swung away fracturing my skull on a foot that Iím sure wasnít there when I came in.

I got such a shock I immediately suffered a heart attack.

 (PAUSE)

But, as it turned out, this really was my lucky day. For if it hadnít been for my accident I would never have met that nice man from Accident Creations.

PRESENTER:           Yes. Accident Creations won Miss Fortuneís case providing her with a cheque for £14,750, enabling convalescence at one of our National Accident Creations nursing homes in relative luxury for four weeks. And even now that sheís back in her own home we still look after her. In fact our after-care-specialist visits her every Friday to check that she is all right and, of course, to collect the massive instalments on her fees.

So donít wait for that accident to happen to you. Call the National Accident Creations Helpline and make it happen today.  Weíll help you get rich with a customised personal injury. And remember we provide a unique Ďno fee Ė no winí claim service Ė so we never lose out when you have that little misfortune.

            END

 
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