BANK MANAGER            Do come in Mr Cash please take a seat.

CASH                                   [NURD] Thank you Mr Nash, but I’d rather stand.

BANK MANAGER              You may stand on it if you wish? Now      How can I help you?

CASH                                  I represent the local environmental society.

BANK MANAGER                [PATRONISING] I am sure that conservation is very good cause Mr Cash.

CASH                                As you know the council are planning to cut down than enormous but beautiful 150 year-old Ash tree that stands just outside the entrance to your bank.

BANK MANAGER            Yes?

CASH                                   Well, I am sure that it would be in your interest, if together we organised a  peaceful Save the Ash campaign.

BANK MANAGER             And just how does this involve the Bank Mr Cash?

CASH                                  I am sure it would be in your interest to make a donation of three thousand pounds to conserve a local centre of attraction!

BANK MANAGER          [SMARMY] I think that you are a little confused about the way in which the  bank operates Mr Cash. We are not a charity. As far as our interest is concerned a loan could be negotiated at an amenable rate, provided your organisation can supply the necessary guarantees.

CASH                            I'm sorry Mr Nash, but I don't quite follow your reasoning.

BANK MANAGER       Then perhaps I could make it a bit simpler.

CASH                            Yes I would appreciate that.

BANK MANAGER        The Bank of Nash will provide the cash to save the Ash if they can recover the stash from your bash.

CASH                               If I hear you correctly, Mr Nash, you    are not only referring to our campaign as a Bash, but you seem to be unduly concerned that if there was a clash, the cash from the Nash stash could be   lost in a flash.

BANK MANAGER           If there is a clash, the cash in the stash, Mr Cash, would be in the trash        in a flash.

CASH                             But surely you can see that the Ash will be in the trash if there is no bash?  We are, after all, keeping the good interests of the Bank of Nash in mind,  Mr Nash.

BANK MANAGER           You can only have your cash for the Bash to save the Ash, if the cash in                                                              the stash is returned in a flash Mr Cash.

CASH                              Well Mr Nash I think that you are a littleconfused about the way in which a demolition company operates.  It is certainly not a charity and as Director for the campaign to Save the Ash and Director of ‘Cash Demolitions Ltd’ I am now putting on the hard hat of the latter. Having considered the interest of the Bank and having been refused the       guarantees, despite offering very amenable terms, you leave me little alternative.

                                                                     [SHOUTING] Right Fred let her fall.

FX                                                                CLAXON SOUNDS

FRED                                                           [SHOUTS] T..I..M..B..E..R

FX                                                                TREE CREAKS/BANK DEMOLISHED

BANK MANAGER                                     My Bank!

END